The Misunderstood Love Language: Receiving Gifts and Why It’s More Than Materialism

Love languages—the ways we express and experience love—are key to understanding our relationships. Dr. Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages popularized five distinct ways people communicate love: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Quality Time, and Receiving Gifts. Among these, “Receiving Gifts” is often misunderstood. It’s the love language that can feel awkward to admit to because people worry it might make them seem materialistic or shallow. But in reality, those who speak the love language of receiving gifts value something much deeper than just the physical object.

Let’s explore why “Receiving Gifts” is often misunderstood and why it’s a love language that’s just as valid—and meaningful—as the others.

What Does “Receiving Gifts” Really Mean?

When people think of “Receiving Gifts” as a love language, they might imagine a desire for expensive things, lavish presents, or a focus on material wealth. But that’s a misconception. For those whose primary love language is receiving gifts, it’s not about the gift’s price tag—it’s about the thought and effort behind the gesture. It’s about the tangible symbol of love and appreciation that the gift represents.

A gift, in this context, is a physical token that shows someone was thinking of you, that they care enough to put effort into finding something special. It could be as simple as a handwritten note, a favorite snack from the grocery store, or a small memento picked up during a trip. It’s not about the item itself but the emotional connection and thoughtfulness behind it.

The Emotional Significance of Gifts

For people whose love language is receiving gifts, the act of giving is a form of emotional communication. The gift serves as a symbol of love, something they can see, touch, and cherish as a reminder that they are cared for. This is why even small, seemingly insignificant gifts can mean the world to them. It’s about feeling valued, understood, and remembered.

Consider this: if someone’s love language is quality time, spending time with their partner makes them feel loved. If someone’s love language is words of affirmation, hearing kind, supportive words makes them feel cherished. For someone who speaks the language of receiving gifts, it’s not about the item itself—it’s about what the gift symbolizes. It’s a concrete reminder of affection, much like a physical manifestation of love.

Why It Can Be Awkward to Admit

People who identify with this love language often feel uncomfortable admitting it because society tends to judge gift-receiving as materialistic. There’s a cultural narrative that we shouldn’t “care about stuff,” and that people who do are shallow or greedy. This makes it difficult for someone to openly express that receiving gifts is how they feel most loved without fearing judgment.

“I love receiving gifts” can feel like admitting, “I love material things,” when in reality, it’s more like saying, “I feel most loved when someone goes out of their way to give me something that shows they’ve been thinking of me.”

This societal bias can lead to people hiding their love language or feeling guilty about it. They might downplay the importance of gifts in their relationships, fearing that their partner will misunderstand or think they’re only interested in material possessions. But just like any other love language, receiving gifts is a valid way of experiencing love—and it deserves to be understood and respected.

The Misinterpretation of Receiving Gifts

One of the main reasons this love language is misunderstood is because of how it can be easily confused with materialism. But there’s a key difference between materialism and the love language of receiving gifts:

• Materialism is about placing excessive importance on possessions or wealth, often to the detriment of relationships or personal happiness. A materialistic person may focus on acquiring objects for status or comfort.
• Receiving Gifts as a love language, on the other hand, is about the thoughtfulness behind the gift and the emotional significance of the gesture. It’s not about accumulation, but about connection.

When someone whose love language is receiving gifts gets a meaningful present, it reinforces their sense of love and care in the relationship. It’s less about the object itself and more about the fact that the person giving the gift put thought, time, and effort into choosing something that would make them happy.

Examples of Thoughtful Gift Giving

People who speak the love language of receiving gifts value gifts that are meaningful, regardless of cost. It’s the personal touch that makes the difference. Here are a few examples of thoughtful gifts that can make someone feel deeply loved:

• A personalized item like a handwritten letter, or a piece of jewelry with sentimental value.
• A souvenir from a special trip that reminds them of a shared memory.
• A surprise treat on an ordinary day, like bringing them their favorite coffee just because you were thinking of them.
• A handmade gift like a scarf you knitted or a painting you made, showing you put time and effort into creating something special.

These gifts don’t need to be extravagant or costly; they just need to show that the giver knows and appreciates the recipient’s preferences, interests, and needs.

How to Embrace the Love Language of Receiving Gifts

If you or your partner’s primary love language is receiving gifts, it’s important to embrace it and understand that it’s just another form of expressing and experiencing love. Here are a few ways to approach it without guilt or misunderstanding:

1. Communicate Openly: If receiving gifts makes you feel loved, don’t be afraid to share this with your partner. Explain that it’s not about the value of the gift but the thought behind it. Help them understand that small, thoughtful gifts mean a lot to you.
2. Pay Attention to the Symbolism: Whether you’re giving or receiving gifts, focus on the meaning of the gesture. What does this gift represent? What emotions does it convey? By concentrating on the symbolism, it becomes easier to see that gifts are a form of communication, not just material objects.
3. Find Joy in Simple Gestures: Gifts don’t need to be grand or expensive. Little surprises, tokens of affection, or sentimental items can have just as much emotional impact as larger gifts. It’s the intention that counts.
4. Remove the Stigma: If receiving gifts is your love language, embrace it! Don’t let societal judgment make you feel awkward or ashamed. All love languages are valid, and this is simply the way you feel most loved and appreciated.
5. Give Meaningful Gifts: If your partner’s love language is receiving gifts, take the time to choose things that are thoughtful and meaningful to them. It’s not about the cost—it’s about how well you know them and how much care you put into your choice.

The love language of receiving gifts is often misunderstood as being shallow or materialistic, but in reality, it’s about feeling loved through thoughtful, tangible gestures. For those whose primary love language is receiving gifts, it’s not about the item itself but the thought and effort behind it. These gifts are symbolic of care, connection, and affection, and receiving them can make someone feel deeply valued.

Ultimately, the best gifts are the ones that show how well you know and appreciate someone. It’s about the love, attention, and thoughtfulness wrapped inside the gesture—proving that receiving gifts is just as valid and meaningful a way to express love as any other language.